The notion: “A child should be seen & not heard”

“Children should be seen and not heard.” 

– It is a common adage used in many households. It’s a statement that many will praise, but also one that many deem detrimental. 

Some kids are taught to be seen and not heard, and over the years, some folks have used that phrase to keep kids out of adult conversations. On the other hand, you have a group of parents who use that phrase to keep their kids obedient, silenced, and submissive to them. Obedient to the point where they don’t have a voice, obedient to the point where they aren’t allowed to express themselves, obedient to the point where they can’t even be themselves. 

I wholeheartedly understand and agree with wanting to keep a child out of adult conversations. But I can’t help but give a side eye to those adults because, as an adult, you shouldn’t be having adult conversations in front of kids anyway. So who’s really at fault? 

But that phrase “children should be seen and not heard” is what I consider to be detrimental. You have parents who don’t do right by their children and expect them to take whatever is thrown at them. Parents who couldn’t care less about how their child feels or what may even be bothering them. You even have parents who couldn’t care less about how life is treating their child, and they better not voice it. I know some can’t fathom the thought, but not every parent is decent, and some shouldn’t even be parents. But that’s a conversation for a different day. 

Never forget- A child will always remember how you treated them and how you made them feel. Once a child grows into adulthood, they will remember if you took the time to nurture their emotional needs. Think about it, if you have grown able-bodied adults who, at times, can’t manage their own emotions and may need a little help through therapy or talking to a close friend. How do you expect a child to do the same? Understand you have adults who expect a child just to shut up, stay in line, and be quiet. 

A child who does not have the same mental capacity as an adult,

let alone any clue on how to navigate/handle their emotions. 

We live in a world where so many adults will look at their child and deem their voice and opinions as less important. Because they are the adult, and how a child feels/thinks doesn’t matter to them. To me, that is very worrisome. Whether you meant to cause harm or not, it conditions your child not to speak up for themselves. A child who can’t express themselves from an emotional standpoint will grow up discouraged from expressing their thoughts, feelings, and needs in adulthood. And depending on their childhood, some grow up to be adults scared to have a voice. And in some cases that leads them to putting up with crap they shouldn’t tolerate. 

So, in this new age, be mindful of the notion that “a child should be seen and not heard.” 

No– I’m not trying to tell anyone how to parent, but I wanted to express a viewpoint that may not have crossed your mind or many others.